A Blessingway to Remember

Multiple times last week I said something along the lines of “I am recovering” from my blessingway. At one point a dear friend said, “I hope you never recover from that!”. And from there I was able to shift, into a space of claiming a new level of confidence and acceptance of love. Out of reaction and into creation with the beauty I was gifted.

There are many impactful activities and functions that can be planned for celebrating a mom to be — showers, parties, etc. What makes events like these special to me is the quality of interactions and the level of intention beyond the purpose of gathering. Once people arrive, once all the fancy decor is completed and the delicious food set, then what?

When these woman folk first trickled into the house there was pure giddiness in the air. I laughed so much. Amanda braided my hair, others massages me, brought me drinks and treats and were just generally playful and excited. A few of the girls began making a beautiful mandala from a carload of flowers from Dripping Springs. They worked steadily and efficiently together. 

As I became more grounded and allowed myself to ease into what was happening, I felt the room do the same. Intentional meditations and discussing my plans for the birth contributed to a next level of presence for me within the group. These were all women that I love and adore, who have played such a significant role in my life over the past few years of my transition to motherhood, to have their presence together in my honor was a blessing in itself. Of course, the words and connections took that much deeper.


After nourishing food and beautiful conversation, the energy of the room continued to ground as we moved toward a sacred circle. Quite a few had to leave to be with their families; they offered their kind goodbyes together with the group, and after a container was held with candles and ceremony. Prayers, chants and deep shares commenced. My cup was filled over and over again with the beautiful words that came from the mouths of my friends. Speaking about our relationships, of birthing, of mothering, of challenges and inspirations. I am so grateful for the heartfelt and honest sharing that was offered in that space.

I still found myself at times closing my heart, almost as if it were too much to bare. And after, my story of “recovering” was absolutely a reflection of me shying away from the experience. Why can powerful love be so hard to take? This is not what I consciously chose. I chose to love and be loved beyond my capacity for it in this moment. I chose to accept the boundless love that my children, my family and my friends contribute to my life in each moment. And to return it in more ways than I even know.

I chose to find new ways to open, to give and to recieve. I have been loving this visualization of Hanuman opening his heart. There’s a sweet story about him holding his chest open to show his devotion. His passionate love is known to provide him with super-human powers, the ability to literally move mountains.


As much as I set my mental and spiritual intentions to open to love, I know there’s little I’ll be able to control with this upcoming birth. My heart is about to open further in more ways than I can imagine, of that I am sure.

May you feel the love around you today and trust that the more you open, the more you receive.

om hrim hrim suryaya namah,

Alexandria

The Sunday chant, to warm your heart, on this crisp October morning.

Fall rhythms, routines and renewal

When I catch a moment of the fall breeze brushing against my skin, a tiny ping of fear creeps up the back of my neck. Cool weather means a baby is coming. Soon to expel his or herself from my womb and into this world.. I am confident, secure and above all trusting. And I know this upcoming process requires the deepest kind of surrender; physically, mentally and spiritually.

My biggest preparation for this birth is centered around family. The first time around I was becoming a mother, a birth in itself. This time I am a mother welcoming a new soul into our home. It feels wonderful. I have told many how much easier this pregnancy has been. Watching not to say these things in front of Indra; he is always listening and I am looking to avoid comparison. The two pregnancies are completely different journeys. And experience makes a world of difference. Both my body and my mind understand so much more now.

This fall has already brought a beautiful grounding rhythm into our daily lives. A summer filled with spontaneous river trips and  late night adventures with friends has come to an end. I am so loving this time of shifting to reflect on abundance, harvest what has been created and move toward rest and renewal.

One of our favorite family tools is our daily and weekly rhythms sheets. Pictured below, this snapshot tells Indra what key things we complete every day and in what order. He adores it. He doesn’t always want to brush teeth, but this sheet makes it possible to offer him consistency and awareness. It also gives me more confidence that as I transition to bonding and healing stage with this second child, Indra will have stability in his daily routines.


For now I am spending every moment I can enjoying the end of this chapter — the past three years have been the most amazing of my life yet. Welcoming Indra to Earth with Michael has been such an honor. My reflections turn into sobs at this point. While it feels hard to say goodbye to this current life, I know the next level only has more amazing things in store.

Add in a week of Kitchari, Abyhanga (self-massage) and home/nesting projects and this fall is off to a great start. I had the pleasure of sharing my favorite elements of an Ayurvedic lifestyle with our 300hr Advanced YTT group last week. It has been such a pleasure working with a powerful group of amazing women. Deeply nourishing and I can’t wait to share more as our program unfolds.


Ready when you are, baby. You’re coming into a beautiful community full of love, light and possibility.
Xo,

Alexandria

Started in my lips, finished in my clitorus. 

A Step on the Journey of Uncovering Personal Trauma

It’s tough for me to post this as in many ways it feels so incomplete, so personal and there are many more things I’d like to say about trauma, yoga therapy, etc. And this blog is about the personal process for me, looking to share what’s going on for me as a means to empower others, so here it goes. 

I stood on the hot sidewalk and watched the events unfolding at my home from a distance. I didn’t want to go closer. Paramedics and police officers went in and out while blue lights flashed across the house. I remember thinking “This is it. You aren’t going to survive this.” In whatever language my toddler mind could process at that point; I didn’t think I was going to live much longer. The cycles of abuse around me continued to grow stronger by day. The trash can was an indication of what lie ahead. Empty glass bottles on top meant physical pain would trickle down to me later. Later that night, from the walls of a women’s shelter, I felt frozen in pure terror of what would lie ahead. All my little mind could process was you are not safe, you have no where else to go.
Memories like these are visceral ones I find myself working to uncover as a means to heal. In yoga, to experience Vidya, right perception, rather than the afflictions of an unsteady mind. The details aren’t pretty, and as Indra approaches the ages I was where my most formative memories of physical abuse began, I find myself reliving many things from my past. Not as a victim, rather as an active participant in the process. To me it’s work of acknowledging my feelings exactly as they were and where they are today, free from judgment. My dream world is my main indication of progress. The Yoga Sutras offer that meditating on dreams can produce a new level of stability of the mind. The idea is that our experiences in dreams are most reflective of our inner states, as they are free from outer world senses and influences. 
Last night I dreamt that Richard, my former step-dad, was standing outside our porch. It was raining. He hid in the dark. He was drunk, aggressively shouting things to Michael when confronted by him. While I stood in the house, my initial caution was supported by an overall experience of confidence that we were safe. That is the part that tells me I’m making progress.
Those who work with me know how much I emphasize the process of uncovering memories from the past. As a Yoga Therapist, I am frequently referring people to work with Mental Health Therapists through the uncovering of (big T) Trauma. At the same time, the process of Yoga Therapy can be invaluable throughout these stages of healing. In Ayurveda, the manas “mind” channels live in both the mind and the body. While Western treatments work to repair and optimize the functioning of the brain process, Eastern offerings tap into the innate intellect of the body. The patterns we hold all through the physical (anamayakosha), energetic (pranamayakosha) and mental (manamayakosha) all contribute to our experience of reality today. 
While many parts of my brain wish I could say the shelter was a turning point, there would be many more memories formed of flashing blue lights against many different homes, even after Richard was gone. He ended up killing himself later in life. I can only imagine the depths of his internal conflictions. By the age of 17, I had moved more than 20 times. So I went out on my own as soon as I could and a few years later I purchased my own home (still owned and one of my most beloved places in the world). The sounds of breaking glass, screaming, and eventually the tone of the dial as my fingers pressed against 9-1-1 are all pieces of memories that have helped make me who I am today. These cycles of experiences have contributed to my individual strength and perseverance in more ways that I can likely see. While sometimes challenging to embrace, new energy resources, ease of daily life, depth of connection, these are the things that keep me on the path of unveiling and revisiting the things that have happened and what I made them mean about me and my life.

All of my relationships today depend on my continuous evolution. If they don’t, then they aren’t moving me forward. I spent many years trying to forget the things of the past. So much so that I disillusioned myself to reality. Many of my filters caused me to act more like a child and experience more pain. While I still find myself throwing the occasional adult tantrum, I’m getting better. My daily mind and life are more peaceful than they have ever been. Do you feel like a better person than you did a year ago? 5 years ago? I say keep on, keepin on then. You’re doing a great job.
Sat Nam,

Alexandria

Written from my eyebrows on a steamy August afternoon with a growing belly!

Eleven Moon Centers:  Finding Your Map

>>Wondering what a map is and why you would even need it? Go here.

There are two things to keep in mind if you wish to establish your map;

1. Be patience with yourself. Trust in your process and it will lead you to the quickest, most in-tune results.

2. You have the answers within. When in doubt, ask yourself and listen to the response.

Some women I know have been able to simply journal over a 28.5 day cycle and feel very clear by the end of it that they can map their own centers. If you are someone who has an honest dialogue between a pen and your mind this may be a beautiful way to create.

For those who may be looking for a faster process and have practiced inner hearing, working with a pendulum and muscle testing are both great options. Because these are not things that can be taught in a blog, trust that where you are at today is exactly perfect. If you have questions or are looking for a dialouge opportunity to work on your own map, don’t hesitate to reach out. Here are notes for those who are ready to begin the process on their own;

– Using a pendulum

I recommend writing down all Eleven Moon Centers down on a piece of paper, seated in a easeful position close to the earth and making sure all your basic needs are met (food, water, intimacy, sleep and temp). Take your pendulum and find a clear yes and a clear no. Then begin by asking “am I in my ___ today?” Lips, for example, and go through each of the centers in the order that calls out to you until you get a clear YES.

Note, there may be times in which you get a yes more than once, meaning you are in a transitionary period. Look then for morning or night, dusk or dawn, finding the times in which you are transitioning from one center to another.

Then you will find yourself going through the list, taking notes on your own map. You can ask things like “Yesterday I was in..” or “Tomorrow I will be in..” or “After my Thighs in am in my..”. Keep going until you can confirm an order. If you get confused or frustrated, pause, breath and read points one and two again.

– Muscle Testing

Training in energy work enables a greater understanding of this process as does a traditional Yoga practice. Your body is always a well of information, including a clear yes and no to your subtle body field. It is quite possible to muscle test yourself to find your Eleven Moon Center map, as well as have someone else do it for you. This process can be taught from experienced readers from many modalities, including Chiropractic, chakra work and GEMs (my training). I highly recommend the process as it is an invaluable life tool itself. If you want to talk more, reach out.

Eleven Moon Centers: Introduction

If this is your first introduction to the Eleven Moon Centers, congrats! This is perhaps one of the most powerful things I have studied on my path as a yogini.

Whether you have been studying your centers for some time or are just looking to get them mapped, this site should help you on your journey.

I was first introduced to my moon cernters during a Kundalini Womenen’s gathering at the home of Yogi Bhajan in New Mexico. With many ancient spiritual teachings, when I am clear and ready, information often feels like it is downloaded in an instant. As with this, the moment I heard “all women have eleven moon centers..” I knew it to be an instinctual truth and one that would change my mind in perspective from that point on.

So what are they? Eyebrows, Clitorus, Vagina, Earlobes, Cheeks, Inner Thighs, Back of the Neck, Nipples, Hairline, Navel and Lips

The eleven centers are unique pulls of energy within the female body that shift throughout our being every 2.5 days. Each woman has her own unique pattern of movement, that draws her attention, energy and focus in a rhythmic way every 28.5 days. Perhaps the most inspiring piece of this understanding was that I was able to fully resonance and experience confidence with my ever-fluctuating emotions. I can now forsee what my energy will be like in a coming week, day or time frame. I am not surprised by the times that I feel more tired or more sensitive and I can care for myself in new ways that empower me to live the highest divine expression of life that I can.

Yogi Bhajan taught us that women are 16 times more sensitive than men. Meaning they are 16 times more intuitive and 16 times more emotional.

To live confidently and resonate with a flow of life, I highly recommend you study your moon centers, connect with other women on the same journey and above all, trust and love yourself.

Namaste, blessings and love to you!