Experiencing support beyond measure — Indra’s birth story

Indra turned two this week! We had the most beautiful birthday celebration. I feel so loved by our community and pretty sure he does, too.

This week has provided me so much reflection and processing. It was our first birthday home as last year we were traveling in New Mexico, visiting the Kundalini women in white at the Guru Ram Das Ashram ❀ But this year… being back home in the space where Indra was born, it felt like I really relived the experience. I also have been processing a lot preparing for this next babe, so this post may be one of my longer ones.. So happy to finally get a more detailed recap of Indra’s birth down…

Here’s our story;

Contractions came on so slow and gentle for me. As the fireworks went off on July 4th, 2015, I felt tiny little vibrations that told me our babe was coming soon. I was just shy of four weeks past my original due date of June 12th, waiting as patiently as I could. Michael had picked up a massive load of seconds from Dripping Springs and we chopped literally hundreds of onions that night on our counter. I swayed my hips while I danced with the knife, swimming in a sea of excitement. I would pause and go outside and watch the fireworks from our back deck. Pure bliss.

Inspired by Ina May’s advice to drink a glass of wine, take a bubble bath and go to sleep, I did just that. The wine didn’t do much for me though and the excitement continued to build as contractions built ever so slightly. I didn’t sleep at all that night. I stayed glued to a contractions app, wanting to track my progress and so anxious for what was to come. When was it going to be time to call our midwife, Maria?? Am I really in labor? When will the baby come?

This next time around, there will be no contraction apps..

Flash forward to early morning where I had given up on sleep. Krishna Das played in the background and I wandered around our house lighting candles with the intention of resting. “Save your energy” was a theme that played loudly in my head. Michael texted Maria a few updates as the contractions really began to build with the sunrise.

By 9am Maria, Misty and my Mother arrived. Maria checked me and I was at 3cm, confirming we were in motion. I remember being fairly aware of logistics, where people were in the house, feeling intensity and so unsure about where things were going from here. I spent a lot of time in a deep OM as the waves of contractions would come on. A low groaning hum that I worked to match the intensity of my sensation. Later Maria would tell me I had a very peaceful birth and at the time it felt like I was screaming.

I progressed very steadily. We had our house filled with sunflowers. Maria would check me, and then find a flower that matched how wide my cervix had become. It was such a sweet visual representation of my progress. I had no low back pain, however, the heads of my femurs were starting to burn with each contraction. More than anything the waves of energy were completely exhausting with each surge. My body was doing so much and I was still working to stay in control of it in many ways.

Then, early afternoon, something seemed to stall. By 4pm I hadn’t made any progress in some time. As my pelvis began to widen and babe inched down further, my thighs started to scream with pain. I had one moment on my hands and knees of “I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this”. I didn’t even want to say it. I was almost testing myself whether I would voice it or not. I changed course with, “I want to do this” and felt myself continue back on the path of my work. But I was surely at a point of exhaustion. We identified that I was at 9.5cm, so close to there, yet a lip of my cervix had begun to swell and it wasn’t clear whether babe would be able to push through.

Maria encouraged me to walk more. I didn’t want to move. The pain in my thighs was so intense. Misty and my Mom were putting hot rags on my legs and Michael pressed against my knees as I begged for more pressure — the only momentary relief I could find. Between contractions I just wanted to freeze and avoid any sensation.

Finally, around 6pm I managed to leave the bedroom where I had spent most of the day, apart from a few rests in the shower. The feeling of water rushing down my body offered peace. At one point earlier in the day, I was sitting in the bathtub talking to my Mom and suddenly had an overwhelming urge to get clear on something from my past with her. At 14 she sent me to live with my Dad against my choice. My experience was being put on a plane with a letter saying that she was done raising me. At the time I had an Uncle who had asked me years earlier to be sure that I stayed living with my Mom. He said if I did, he would generously cover my college expenses to anywhere I wanted to go. He had the means to do that and I was committed to following that path to ensure a certain life for myself. Over a decade later and multiple years of not speaking, my relationship with my Mom had moved on. A combination of student loans, working full-time and with her helping me as much as she could, I had a college degree and the exact life I had wanted. So between contractions and from the bathtub, I told her I wanted to apologize for holding onto resentment and anger. That everything had worked out as it should and I love my life exactly as is. She asked if I wanted her to say anything and I said I didn’t need her to. Later, my midwife would tell me that she spent time on the porch crying after that. She was beyond strong for me during the birth — I had no idea the impact that entire experience would have on her. Once a midwife’s assistant herself, I have early childhood memories of being at home births with her. It seemed like a natural thing to have her there and I wanted my Mom’s help. Upon seeing and knowing what I know now, for my next birth, I fantasize about having no one there. It’s such a personal and intimate process and no one can do the work but you.

Now back to the 9 hours of active labor in full force. By 7pm I tried to head toward to the bedroom again; however, this time I wouldn’t make it there. A contraction came on as Michael met me in the kitchen. He held me, looked into my eyes, and told me I was going to have to do this. “You’re going to have to push this baby out”. I was so scared. I felt like I was going to break if that happened. As I told him that he stayed present with me, held me, and offered me love. I dug deeper into some of my fears and let them pour out. I told him I was afraid we weren’t going to make it, that he was going to leave, that we weren’t going to have enough money, that the baby wasn’t going to be okay. All of these things began to rush out of me as we lowered down to the ground. At that moment I rotated my pelvis in a new way and big shifts followed. The baby was coming.

Michael started to sing our song, “Danny’s Song” and full transition was on. We sang it together as he held me and I cried. We never confirmed a gender for the babe and the song specifically says, “think I’m gonna have a son.”

Then, I rolled onto my back. My Mother sat behind me with Michael and Maria ready to catch the babe. This part felt natural and powerful. While intense, I found major confidence through my transition. By the time we met Indra I felt like full on mama — give me that baby was my first reaction. I held him close to my chest, so happy to meet him. As we waited on the placenta Michael held his son and I got to watch them bond from across the kitchen floor. That picture will be burned into my mind for life. Indra (unnamed at the time) was born at 7:51pm on 7.5.15 and our lives were never the same.

So here I am today, with a cup of Chicory sun tea (The Mother flower, wildly harvested from my front yard). And doing more work than ever on feeling supported by the universe. My highest thinking never questions my daily experiences or the big picture. But the lower instincts, of fight or flight and scarcity or rejection, those are most definitely present in my functioning brain and beyond triggered during a primal process of labor. Looking to release, to be, and to experience what is in front of me.. a wonderful family that makes my heart explode, a huge community of loving friends, a home that I fall more in love with every day, businesses that inspire me and a beautiful garden of wildflowers, cultivated for my spirit and body by my Mother Earth.

Written from my lips center on a warm summer day.

 

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Let’ο»Ώs talk Placenta Smoothie

Yep, you read that right. In response to many blog requests! I said yes to placenta smoothies post birth and here was my experience.

First off, I have to point out what a beautiful badass thing the placenta is. My body grew another organ! And shed it in the birthing of my son. It was freaking cool. It takes a few minutes post-birth before the body releases the placenta and for a for brief moments I held Indra to my chest while he was still physically attached to me through his cord. There is no other experience like that.

The placenta is the bubble that holds baby until his time to enter earth side. It was the layer between Indra’s body and mine, through which all nutrients and energy passed.

The choice to consume the placenta post-birth is typically a nutrient driven decision. The seemingly most popular process is placenta encapsulation — where it is dried and placed into capsules to take orally. For me, I recognized the natural animalistic nature of it (all mammals other than some humans consume post birth) and felt that it was something I wanted to try immediately following the birth. My midwife prepared small pieces into smoothie post-birth. Raspberries, blueberries and other fruits allowed for a blind consumption. We froze a handful more for later as well.

Flash forward four nights later. I woke up around 3am freezing (note, the middle of July and our house was not cold..). I turned to Michael who was already on high alert to help Indra and I as needed, and he jumped up to get me an extra blanket. As he did, I felt even colder — chills that started to make my whole body convulse. I was working to stay calm and not freak Michael out terribly. I knew I was okay and my body’s reaction was intense. I could tell he was stressed. He called Maria, our midwife, who had him check my blood loss levels and temperature. All were okay, and we identified the moment as a hormone shift. All a little freaked out, I bundled up even more and everyone drifted back to sleep. I continued to wear socks and layers the next couple days and eventually felt my body temperature settle to normal.

While the intensity of fluid, blood and tissue loss post birth is to be acknowledged (think almost passing out biological explosion) my body healed miraculously within the coming weeks. My mind was also incredibly stable (post coming soon on my thoughts about postpartum emotions). This being my first babe, hard to tell what affect the placenta consumption had on me overall, though I do suspect the abrupt shift in my hormones in the middle of the night had something to do with it.

All-in-all definitely glad I did it. Would I do it again? Likely that I would, once, immediately following birth. Not sure about extending it any further than that.

Happy to answer any more questions! Keep your post suggestions coming. Screen time is getting easier as the family and I settle into more and more of a routine.

Lotsa love and healthy vibes,
Alexandria

Letting Love Flow

I have never felt love like this. It is definitely different than any other love I have known so far. Just as crisp fall air has begun to hint its way into our days, I am feeling gentle reminders each day of how deep this love will continue to go. Most of the relationships I have have built until now have been through interaction. The majority of that interaction formed through senses of sight, touch, smell. This new love also has senses of its own; Indra’s sweet baby smell, his beyond soft skin that I cuddle next to at night, the sound of sweet coos and giggles that evolve every morning.. And still it is built on something much deeper.

Then there is the experiential element. It is often easy to fall into love with people whom we share deep experiences with. The biological explosion that is birth would be enough to do that on its own. Retelling the story with Michael to others often brings laughs, tears and a tension in my body when I remember the most fierce moments. And pregnancy was an extremely transformative journey for me. The next level of self care and reflection I began to practice daily allowed me to love myself so much more. Those experiences provide a special aspect of our family’s bonding process. And it is still not the reason that I have this incredible attachment to Indra River.

Simply put, it is hard coded into me to love this little being and his existance. I tell people all the time that when your baby is born, it’s like a software simultaneously downloads to your brain. Women who say, ‘I don’t know how you do it’ are spot on. They just haven’t gotten the download yet. Instantly you know how to care for a baby. In such a natural and present way that it cannot be ignored. And this kind of compassion has allowed me to presence love in all areas of my life. I am love drunk. I can walk around and picture every one I see as a baby, then just smile and be with them. It is pure bliss.

And, of course, being the dynamic human that we all are, an extreme experience can also appear in the opposite direction. With great love comes the ability to experience great pain. The moment I sense a threat to my baby bliss (whether “reasonable” or not)  just as naturally the Mama Bear wants to take over like an angry tiger. It is almost comical at times and more than that it is incredibly valuable. I am doing everything I can to fully embrace ALL of these instincts and not label any of them “good” or “bad”. As I do that, I feel my intuition stronger than ever an all of my experiences in flow.

In the practice of Yoga, we look at this energy within the Root Chakra. The base of the energetic body, at the tip of the spine, holds our connection to our family and sense of safety. Linked to our sympathetic and parasympathetic response systems, we find ourselves in flux between reaction and relaxation based on how safe we feel in our current environment. Our instincts tell us how and when to feel these two ways. 10 weeks into this journey, I can share my biggest peace of advice to new Mamas: Follow your instincts.

If you suppress your normal instincts, ignore them or try to change them, they will do what you are asking them to do:  suppress. And being a new mother without strong instincts, well that would be a tough job. This applies to every area of life for me, by the way. If you have suppressed instincts in the past, don’t worry, we all do and there are ways to build it back. One of my favorite is to start asking myself simple yes or no questions and ignore the noise of thoughts after. Yesterday I messaged back and forth with a Mom-to-be about prenatal testing. When you really need answers, ask yourself a yes/no question. There is always space for “yes, but..” or “no, or..”. Focus on going with your first response and soon the chatter will quiet.

Love, love, love
AJP

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The Karma Police

The sound of August rain mixed with a cool breeze on my skin and the faint smell of Tuber Roses in the air.. A combination that makes time stand still. Throw in a sweet cuddly baby in my lap and my loving handsome husband sleeping at my side and all my brain can think is, ‘How did I get here?’. There is a time for questioning and a time for being. Right now I choose to direct my mind toward the latter.

I am a mother full-on now. Not a mom in transition or training. And definitely not a future mom in wonder about what the experience will be like. My body and energy are back to most of their natural and normal rhythms. I have found myself returning to many parts of my daily routine that I had forgotten. Old thought patterns have crept back in, too. Some I missed and some still spark frustration; all are a compilation of me at my fullest today. Life feels like I just returned from a great big adventure; pregnancy being a long road traveled and birth the ultimate battle within myself. Now I am returning home and things are setting back to normal. Just now there is this new little piece of my soul beating and breathing outside of me. I feel nothing but joy and excitement when I focus my energy there.

Indra has been teaching me the most about relationships and communication. I think of him like the karma police. He will treat and talk about others like I do. He will eat and take care of his body like I do. Ultimately, he will treat me as I enable others to treat me. Since he entered my life every word and action has double the importance, if not more. He will carry on a legacy of our family. My most important job is to stay true to my highest self, not who I have been in the past or who I think I should be and especially not what others expect or want from me.

For the first time I have experienced people close to me expressing their displeasure with some of my decisions or actions in recent weeks. I have been told that many of the things I have chosen as a parent are extreme or a little crazy (to put it nicely). For the most part I have lived my life in a pleasing way for others until the point. Even leaving corporate America to teach yoga was a respected decision to make with my life — others saw me following my passions and becoming an entrepreneur. But something shifts when you have a child of your own. I have found myself feeling questioned and judged by others more then ever lately. At one point I was in tears reflecting over a parenting request I made that insulted someone and Michael said to me, “Have you never had people think you are crazy before?”. That was a big moment for me.. No, I haven’t actually. It is a new feeling for sure. But the more I ponder it, the more I realize it is exactly the feeling I should be having if I am ready to shake things up in life. To truly listen to myself and not try to please others, to live and create my family legacy to the fullest.

Choosing a home birth alone was a major decision different than 98% of our country’s population. And among the wonderful people I have been connected with through home birthing community, our parenting style is unique to anyone I have met. I sense we are just getting started on this passionate path of ours, too. So I choose love, patience and ease in discomfort and conflict. May my little karma policeman see that and choose the same someday when his time comes. If the world calls you crazy, smile and know that you are you and they are them and through all of our vast uniqueness we all are one in the end.

xox,
AJP

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To Feel or Not To Feel: Emotions & Mind Post Birth

The post birth period continues to be just as powerful as what precedes it. Surrounded by a giant energy field of this tiny human, the natural instincts that have risen within me combined with the massive expansion of my heart feels like a powerful drug at times. Indra Riv is developing too fast. He is only three weeks old and I have an intense aversion to the growth and development coupled with ultimate proud parent vibe. Through this experience of absolute bliss there is still dualism present in my mind. My job is to filter out the BS. While I am more confident than I have ever been in my thoughts and decisions, there are still, as always, thoughts contradiction in my mind. In Yoga we call it chitta or mind chatter. A voice that questions my natural instincts and can spark doubt or concern in an otherwise perfect moment. During pregnancy I was given a lot of information that could lead to fear about what these first weeks and months will be like. From expectations of sleep deprivation to postpartum depression, there is no shortage of anticipation that can build around this time in a mother’s life. In an effort to help others sort through these thoughts, I am shining light on my most frequent mind chatter and how I am dealing with it.

– To cry or not to cry

My answer is cry. Always cry. I bawled yesterday (and two more times reflecting on the moment) to the country song that goes, “If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance”. That crashed down on my like a ton of bricks. I have heard the song many times before and now as a mother it resonates in a whole new way. There is a strange reaction within people that correlates crying with ‘something is wrong’. My first reaction to someone crying is always Awesome. Someone is connected to their feelings. When Riv cries I do my best to support him. We have not experienced any unreasonable fits of crying. When he is upset, there is a reason. We respond to his needs and then try to hold space for him to process his feelings. If there is one thing I can offer this boy, it is going to be space to process his emotions. Little boys are rarely encouraged to express anger or sadness in our culture. Nor are they as quick to be forgiven for throwing fits like their female peers typically are. My main intention is to raise this boy in an environment where he is free to express himself at his deepest core. Where our whole family can.

– To research or not to research

There have been moments where Michael and I have looked at each other and said, can you quickly Google _______?? But less than I would have imagined before starting this process. It is incredible how much information is available online. Information that can be quite helpful but also harmful. I distinctly remember the first time I stumbled on Scary Mommy dot com. The article that drew me there had something to do with the “realities” of pregnancy and birth — what people won’t tell you, the hard truths, etc. My experience with the site was like diving into a dark pool of drama and swimming in circles for 30min before remembering to come up for a breath of fresh air. There were endless articles of ranting about motherhood covered with a sarcastic entertaining humor that my mouse just wanted to keep clicking on. All topics that appealed to my fear-based ego brain quite intensely at the time.. My advice is read and research when and only what is necessary and work. Let your internal instincts guide as much as you possibly can. We are programed to care for children. If you are healthy and well rested, hormones and internal sensitivities will not let you ignore a true need that a baby in front of you has. Avoid dramatic and non-essential readings or conversations. Things like this will breed chatter in the mind and distract you from what is truly important: The experience in front of you, not the hypothetical one on a computer screen.

– To work or not to work [or] To rest or not to rest

How active should I stay throughout the day? How much work should I start to focus on? All with the intention of serving myself and my family best, there is chatter in my mind to decide which actions to take when. Should I be writing this blog right now instead of connecting with Michael or cuddling the sleeping babe in my lap? For me the answers are clearest when I ask them in the moment, rather than planning my day or week ahead and executing then. As much as possible I am working to keep my schedule relatively free so that I can focus my energy where it is needed now. I can already see shifts in how this little one needs my time and attention. At times this past week Indra has enjoyed staring out the window and practicing tummy time on his own. Then there have been more times in which I know he really needs me — 100% undivided attention me. These cannot be predicted ahead of time and my reaction to them are key. I find the same for investing my own energy. It is more necessary that I decide in the moment whether it is time for my body to be physically active or not. Deciding in the morning when I wake up what kind of activity I am going to be doing at 6pm has not been helpful. Nor is thinking about how quickly I will heal and be ready to do more. My mind has wanted to spend hours planning out how and when I am going to practice yoga. When in reality, if I would just spend those moments either practicing to what extent feels right or being productive with what is needed in that moment, strategic planning of my energy would be completely unnecessary, it would just be unfolding. Continuously ask yourself what is it time for now? The answer is there and that is all that is needed.

xoxo,
Alexandria

He’s here!

On Sunday night we welcomed a beautiful baby boy into this world. As I type this he is nestled at my side sleeping soundly. His cooing sounds are trance-inducing and it is a tough commitment to stare at the screen instead of him. I choose to get this out now because the experience is already starting to fade from my memory in many ways. As I very slowly begin to emerge into our worldly life it feels as if I am stepping out of a river that has fully engulfed me in raw and pure emotion. It has quenched a thirst within me that I did not know existed. I have been fully present with pure love and pure pain at my deepest core for the past five days. I can feel emotions of all kinds rise within me as I start to step out. This experience has been so empowering that I know I can do anything I choose to now. Especially with my new family by my side. With that, I’ll share his official name — finally settled! Indra River Pulfer. He will be known as “Riv” for short. Riv Pulfer. I know I am the first of many who will be (and already are) madly in love with this being  πŸ™‚

I was beyond humbled by his birth. In many ways I was so prepared and in others there is just no way I could have been prepared for it. Surrender of a new level was necessary for me. As a yogi, watching sensation in the body is something I do daily. I can see pain and struggle and the reactionary patterns that are tied to it — sometimes I get caught up in the moment and sometimes I am able to stay aware and present with it. Throughout the contractions of birth, insecurities of all kinds swelled within me. While the pain was intense, it was an eventual surrender to the pain and fear that allowed the birth to progress. In the end I found myself making a deal with the universe at my deepest core that I would give in and allow myself to feel supported fully by the universe. Always. In return was given the most priceless gift; the healthiest and most magical baby I have ever met.

A more extended birth story follows for those interested in the process. From anatomical and spiritual perspectives I have a novel to share on this subject. Some day I will write a book. Being the experiential learner that I am, I will likely have a couple more before πŸ™‚ until then, read below and I will share so much more with anyone I interact with intimately. In short, don’t be shy if you are curious or would like to share stories. Birth is a subject that needs to be much more widely expressed and developed within our culture and right now that is something I am incredibly passionate about.

Also feel free to skip to the bottom instead and enjoy the awesome pictures captured by our dearest friend, Jess ❀

Saturday, July 4th

At some point throughout the day I started to experience steady, rhythmic contractions about 8min apart. They felt amazing. While I was 12 days past the 40 week “due date” I had aligned on between my nurse midwife and midwife, I was also 22 days past the standard calculation from my last menstrual cycle. My mind had been going crazy, though my spirit knew everything was exactly as it should be. Needless to say I was thrilled the time had come. I then focused on staying decently active with house chores and ended the evening with Ina May’s recommendation of a bubble bath + glass of wine + sleep. The last two were half way completed..

Sunday AM, July 5th

Around 10am we established that I was in active labor. I was dilated between 4 and 5cm when Maria, Misty and my Mom arrived. Michael had been by my side phenomenally for quite a few hours at this point and my contractions were intensifying. There was now space to take the next steps with this group present. We sat together in our bedroom at first and I settled into my intentions. My main focus was that I find as much softness in my body between contractions and that I stay present enough to explain to the baby what was happening throughout labor. I felt like I had all the support in the world. Maria has been more than a midwife for us the past 9 months; she has been a spiritual guide, caring friend and trusted advisor. Her assistant Misty has always made us feel like we have two midwives. If Maria was out of the room, I never felt like I wasn’t fully covered. They each bring incredible and unique things to the table and having them there together was incredible.

My Mother radiated kindness, love and service to me that day. I needed her and she showed up for me big time. Michael and I’s relationship grew more than I had any idea it would. He continues to amaze me every day, especially as a father, and this home birth experience has elevated our entire family to a new level of bonding that I didn’t realize it would. It is breathtakingly beautiful.

Sunday PM, Jult 5th

Riv entered at 7:56pm after 10 hours of active labor. I hit multiple waves of depletion and exhaustion throughout the day. Mid-afternoon my cervix opened to 9cm and I found myself pressed against a wall of resistance and fear that was tough to break. I spent hours with little progress as I resisted the ultimate vulnerability that was being asked of me. Letting him out seemed terrifying. In the end I found a new place of strength and vitality inside me. I pushed through and as with most things in my life, the rewards have far surpassed the effort of the work.

Riv is an incredible babe fed on massive amounts of love. He is sleeping like a rock, breastfeeding like a boss expressing himself fully while trusting his environment in big ways. I feel stronger and more connected to the world around me than I ever have before. I know this experience will always be with me. i cannot express my gratitude enough for the love and support of our family and friends. I promise to share an awesome little boy with you all in return.

Heart exploding love,
AJP

Photographs by Jess Gallegos of Artefact Image Co

Dear Baby

Today is July 2nd, 2015. You’re growing inside my belly and I’m sitting at our dining room table, looking out across our backyard watching a summer storm roll in. Tonight is a full moon and I would love to see you under it.

It has been 10 days since your second due date. The first one was June 12th — if we go off of that, you’ve been developing for 43 weeks now. But that’s a poor attempt at trying to understand the vast magical creation of who you are; which I know we cannot grasp. This has been such an incredible test of patience, as your Daddy and I are both so excited to meet you. We can’t wait to hold you, to kiss you, to look into your eyes and cuddle you. However, once we have that I know we will then just be waiting to learn more about you. We won’t be able to wait to learn your preferences, your passions, your talents. Which we know you will have many of.

There’s no doubt at my core that you are going to be a brilliant, beautiful and powerful person on this planet. The chatter of my mind has all sorts of things to worry about — is it taking to long for you to be born? Will you be healthy? Will I be able to handle the birth? Will you love us? Will you hate us someday?

Though it is quite loud at times, I know the chatter is useless worry. I have gotten pretty good at distinguishing the fear based voices in my head over the past few years. A practice I hope to share with you often.

We have a wonderful midwife, Maria. Her team is really phenomenal, too. You will love them. They have been so supportive of our family, as have many others. Everyone at the studio is so excited to meet you. Along with many other friends who have been so supportive and praying for your safe entry into this world. Your grandparents are thrilled. You grandmother, Robin, grandfather, Mark, and grandfather, Avo, are all chomping at the bit to meet you! Their lives will be filled with joy because of you. And I’m sure you’ve met your grandmother, Kim. I know she will always be watching over you.

Your Daddy loves you so much already. He has been singing and talking to you and plays little games with you just as often as you will entertain him from the womb. He loves pressing his ear up against my belly and hearing your heartbeat. I don’t think there ever has or ever will be a child more loved than you.

I am doing the best I can to be a good Momma already. And I know you’re doing your very best, too. That’s all we can do in this world. My prayer for you is that you are confident in yourself above all else on this planet. That you trust your instincts, value your own internal and external guidance above all else, and soak up all the joy and beauty that this world has to offer. May you be healthy and strong, vibrant and loving, generous and abundant in all that you do. Whatever you life path is, I will be here for you. Nudging you at times to remember who you are and where you came from and most importantly, loving you beyond measure.

Please be patient with me and I will be so with you. Let’s work to sort through our emotions and teach each other how to navigate this world together, communicating our needs as much as possible and helping elevate the planet with each breath. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mother and Michael to be your Father. It is the greatest honor I have had yet in this lifetime.

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