I have an awesome list of things I want to blog about right now. The list keeps getting longer by the day and the topic I am choosing to write about now is not even on it. I am grateful to be filled to the brim with inspiration and trusting that the time to write will come as it needs to. Last night I stumbled into a conversation around the following thoughts and while it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, it is just now getting formulated into a conscious model. Curious to see if I can put it into words now..
The term religion translates in my mind as a system of personal growth. Despite many connotations and associations that can arise with this word, at the core of it, religion is a very beautiful thing to me. More than anything it represents people just trying to do the best they can in life. I have yet to meet a religious person that is not striving to do the best they can with what they have. I currently rely on many systems of spirituality (primarily Yoga, Ayurveda and Buddhism) to structure my intentions and balance my daily perception of reality against. But I cannot say that I have claimed one of these as my religion. To me that is another level of commitment. I am definitely close to it in many ways but at the end of the day, I haven’t fully given myself over to any of these practices. This time last year I had a conversation with my first teacher, Baron, about my thirst for diverse knowledge and balancing that with the structure of staying with the study of a single practice. And for the past year (likely longer) I have been in inquiry around that. I know the benefits of digging deep and staying within one system of thought from experience. It is a very powerful thing. My favorite visual of this is the idea of a someone digging a well — eventually, if you keep digging, you will find water in any place. The trouble is when we start digging in one place and decide to start over somewhere else. Maybe we suspect the spot we began is too tough to dig in or just not the right place for us to be. A lifetime could be spent digging wells and never reaching water if you don’t stick around in the same place long enough.
At times I have questioned whether it is my ego that keeps me from a full surrender of thought and identification with a religion. Recently though, a new idea is forming within me, that my relationships are my religion. When I look at my life, the people that I come into contact with regularly, some daily and some much less, are my religion. They teach me about myself, my life and my path. My community provides a framework for personal growth that I have fully given myself over to. If my religion is my relationships, then my scriptures are the look on my husband’s face during our conversations, the connection that I feel with this child I am creating, the sensations in my body when I experience conflict and the feedback I get from the people around me. These are all things that guide me to being my best self.
Without a doubt I am beyond committed to the people and relationships in my life. This hasn’t always been the case for me. In the past I put up invisible walls that would prevent me from being in full commitment and partnership with the world around me. If I didn’t like what I was experiencing in past relationships, I was out of there. While time and energy may be resources that spread thin at times in my relationships, the commitment is still there. And it is there on my end whether I see and speak to someone or not. So I have fully given myself over to a structure of practice — the religion of my relationships. It feels powerful to acknowledge that within myself. Endless thanks to those around me who make life so beautiful and worth living to the fullest.