Multiple times last week I said something along the lines of “I am recovering” from my blessingway. At one point a dear friend said, “I hope you never recover from that!”. And from there I was able to shift, into a space of claiming a new level of confidence and acceptance of love. Out of reaction and into creation with the beauty I was gifted.
There are many impactful activities and functions that can be planned for celebrating a mom to be — showers, parties, etc. What makes events like these special to me is the quality of interactions and the level of intention beyond the purpose of gathering. Once people arrive, once all the fancy decor is completed and the delicious food set, then what?
When these woman folk first trickled into the house there was pure giddiness in the air. I laughed so much. Amanda braided my hair, others massages me, brought me drinks and treats and were just generally playful and excited. A few of the girls began making a beautiful mandala from a carload of flowers from Dripping Springs. They worked steadily and efficiently together.
As I became more grounded and allowed myself to ease into what was happening, I felt the room do the same. Intentional meditations and discussing my plans for the birth contributed to a next level of presence for me within the group. These were all women that I love and adore, who have played such a significant role in my life over the past few years of my transition to motherhood, to have their presence together in my honor was a blessing in itself. Of course, the words and connections took that much deeper.
After nourishing food and beautiful conversation, the energy of the room continued to ground as we moved toward a sacred circle. Quite a few had to leave to be with their families; they offered their kind goodbyes together with the group, and after a container was held with candles and ceremony. Prayers, chants and deep shares commenced. My cup was filled over and over again with the beautiful words that came from the mouths of my friends. Speaking about our relationships, of birthing, of mothering, of challenges and inspirations. I am so grateful for the heartfelt and honest sharing that was offered in that space.
I still found myself at times closing my heart, almost as if it were too much to bare. And after, my story of “recovering” was absolutely a reflection of me shying away from the experience. Why can powerful love be so hard to take? This is not what I consciously chose. I chose to love and be loved beyond my capacity for it in this moment. I chose to accept the boundless love that my children, my family and my friends contribute to my life in each moment. And to return it in more ways than I even know.
I chose to find new ways to open, to give and to recieve. I have been loving this visualization of Hanuman opening his heart. There’s a sweet story about him holding his chest open to show his devotion. His passionate love is known to provide him with super-human powers, the ability to literally move mountains.
As much as I set my mental and spiritual intentions to open to love, I know there’s little I’ll be able to control with this upcoming birth. My heart is about to open further in more ways than I can imagine, of that I am sure.
May you feel the love around you today and trust that the more you open, the more you receive.
om hrim hrim suryaya namah,
The Sunday chant, to warm your heart, on this crisp October morning.